One Step...

Gee, I think I can do much this day. But all I can do is done something simple.

No, I'm not writing my next novel or accomplishing something spectacular.

All I done today is...writing an application letter and send it. Just it (besides writing my blog and... chat with... ;) u know who)

So, I thought this is my first step toward real awakening.

Hhhh, finally I can breathe the air of hope again....

Walk The Path

Today I made up my mind to begin walk again with GOD.

I had lost my track in the few days ago, but now I'd found it again.

The road maybe hard to travel and full of dangers, but I know HE'll ease my pain and carry me through the hardest parts of the journey.

After all He's my Daddy and I'm HIS little daughter.

Hope rises as a new day begin...

As this dull day begin, I believe GOD will shine HIS face upon me.
And today, He remind me that HE had given HIS promises and words.

And those shall not prevail, whatever circumstances that I face.

Dryland

It's been a week since this thing happen to me. Seems no door opened for me and all I can see is a dry and cold land without someone there, including GOD. I admitted that HE's been absent in my life for a week, or let say, I have been absent from HIS presence.


LORD, You seems so far away,
A million miles or more it feels today
No, I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
That it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all is in my heart

I will sing
I will pray
Even in my darkest night
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing
I will praise
Lift my hands to honor You
Because Your word is true
I will sing

LORD it's hard for me to see all the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You have died to set me free
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all is in my heart

That song renew my faith this day. Knowing that I'm precious to HIM and though I can't see and understand HIS plan these days, I should keep trusting HIM.

sea of tranquility

Don't know what to do now. Lost in the midst of tranquility and problems. No one to depend on. Just walk alone in the crowds.
Sad but noone cares....
Am I crying?

above

What is the life above?
That question came unto my mind these very days. I've read a book by Franklin Graham, the son of Billy Graham, that said Living Above The Borders.
It is one of my favorites book ever, I remember that I had to fought hard (saved my money) to buy that book, and it worth it. I got a lot of blessings from that book.
And u know what? I think I had to do the same these days.
Fought hard to do something that I like.
Though my sky is dark and my future full of dark clouds, I remember one thing :

THERE IS A LIFE ABOVE ALL BORDERS

forgotten...

Sometimes I felt my life like an abandoned hut, slowly ruin without noone cares.
Do YOU forget me GOD? I am sorry if I said that, but that's why I felt.
While my friends' life seem boosting and reach success, I still stay here and do nothing.
Maybe YOU care more on my friends better than me, I'm sorry again if I say that, but that's what all I can see.
Again a closed door, just like the closed doors I once had. Nothing change. Seems like if there's a door opened or easily opened in my life, well, that's I call a miracle. Something that rarely happen in my life. Not like the others that easily blessed or get opportunities, no, my road seems bumpy and dry.

Had YOU forgotten me, GOD? I knew YOU won't. But where are YOUR ways?
I can't see them...

Dormant Dreams

I don't know what's wrong with my life, it seems that many dreams remain dormant. I wake up this morning and face the reality that my life ain't going anywhere.
Many things that I planned and ideas that I invented stay there without any progress whatsoever. I ask GOD, why a dream that looks so perfect (in my opinion) had to waited for years before it will come true?
Why....?

I felt like a ripe dandelion that ready to blown away by the wind, but there's no wind will blow it.
Though I'm ready to face all kinds of situations in the future, it seems that there is no chance for me to step ahead.

GOD, if u want me to go and be Your ambassador, please, show me a way!
Coz I can't live without YOU and out of Your track.

Kingdom Attitude

What is a kingdom attitude?
Well, as far as I know, it is an attitude that you show when you are a member of a kingdom.
For me, I admit that I haven't get used to act or behave like a kingdom member. Though through the ancient story that my father used to told me, I was in fact a princess from an ancient tribe, the Batak tribe.

Sounds funny and impossible, but my dad is a king's son because my grandpa is one of the Batak kings. So, I can be considered a princess, right?
Anyhow, talking about kingdoms and kingdom's manner, I reflect more on what my today Bible reading told me :

Me as a daughter of GOD, the King of all kings, sometimes doen't reflect my Daddy's Kingdom attitude. I don't act or behave like a true princess of Heavenly Kingdom.
But after this day, I realize that I am a princess of heavenly Kingdom and I should act as the member of the royal court. So, I'll do my best and be the best princess that my Heavenly Daddy ever had.


1 Sam 15:10-23

What's Ur Fave Worship Style?

Every week, Christians from all over the world gathered in churches, worshipping GOD and read Bibles and hear some preachings.
But what I considered important in a sermon is worship session.
I knew about many style of worships, since I ever experience many kind of denominations.
But a truth revealed to me is sometimes rarely to be recognized by most people.


WORSHIP IS FINDING WHAT GOD'S LIKE, NOT WHAT DID YOU LIKE!

Ephesians 5:15-21

before 30

Today I realized that I only have 9 years left before my age reach 30.
Then after that I was considered an middle aged adult. What so exciting about living before 30?

Well, for me, hehehe, I planned to get settle (or begin to get settle) at 30.
Settle means that I will have a family and a home and I will be a successful woman where GOD calling me to be.That doesn't mean that I will spend my life just for my family and do nothing than taking care of my family, no, I mean, at that time, I believe I enter a new phase of my life as a woman. ^_^

Anyhow, GOD made me knew about this fact : that most human only live in painful years and their lives are short and dull. So, what I am going to do with my life now? Am I going to spend it in my vain and my own self ego? Or I will dare to follow GOD wherever HE leads me to?

I choose to follow GOD with all my heart and life.

HOW ABOUT YOU???


Genesis 47 : 1-10

SleepY HeaD!

Hoaahhhmmm.....

Yawn....

It's morning now but I can't help myself get out of this cozy bed

Hoaaahhhmmm....

I think my eyes can't be open this morning.

Maybe I need to sleep more, just few more minutes, is it okay GOD?

Yawn...

zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz

zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz

"HEY!!!! WAKE UP YOU SLEEPY HEAD!!!

I'm going to wash your blankets and bedcover, now get out of your bed!"

Yikes! I jump out from my bed and stand. Thanks GOD that's not JESUS yelling at me, but it was Mom.

I wake up and realize that I almost sleep for 12 hours! Gee!

I said a quick prayer and go to bathroom. While bathing, I think about it again :

HOW IF GOD YELLING AT YOU AND SAY THAT YOU ARE TOO LAZY TO DO SOMETHING, WHILE HE HAD PLANNED SO MANY GREAT THINGS TO DO?

So, today I promise myself that I will do great things while I can and won't stop no matter what happens.

PLUS : I will not sleep too much. Keep this on ur record, Lord.

Do Ur Part

What is this chipmunk doin'?
I think he's praying before eating the cooking that he had cooked.
Why I'm concluding this? Because he wear the cook's hat that assures me he had cooked his meal, not buying it at restaurant or even McD!
This simple pic reminds me of something, that GOD want us to do our part while we're praying. HE doesn't us to sit on our nice sofa while HE works like a servant for us. HE want us to do things together with him.

"ORA ET LABORA"
or
"Pray as you Work"

2 Kings 20:1-7

It Takes Time

Sometimes life's circumstances made me feel despair. Things seems pushing me so hard that I could hardly breathe. I made mistakes and hurt myself and others. I could hardly feel GOD's presence. But today scripture reading made me realize something that most of us forget.

If we ask for forgiveness from GOD and from human for all wrong things we made, we will be forgiven (especially by GOD, human? sometimes they do forgive, but some others don't). But sometimes, it takes time to heal the wounded heart and the broken relationship that caused by those mistakes.

I recently made mistakes and hurt someone. He forgave me, but our relationship seems so awkward from that time (I felt this, though he says nothing changed).
It takes time to heal a wound, but I knew GOD make us going through this process because HE wants us to learn that nothing comes instant.

So does transformation, it doesn't come instant. But by process.

Jeremiah 33:1-9

"I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth." (Jeremiah 33:6)

Lost My Way

Ever feel lost in a midst of crowd?
That's what happen to me lately
It seems that my ways turn upside down
And everyone make me feel bad about myself
I need a Redeemer!
I need a Peacemaker!
I need a Great Counselor!
I need a Savior...
I need JESUS CHRIST!

My heart

The most precious gift I ever got is Salvation.
Though sometimes I forget how precious it is.
Salvation is the only gift that exist even though time will end. GOD doesn't require me to pay for that. But HE only want me to give HIM my very best - my heart...

Eph 2:4-10

Future...

I often ask GOD if I can have a bigger faith like a famous man/woman of GOD or involve in great ministries someday. Sounds great? I think so.
Sometimes, I envy how GOD can use someone so greatly though he's just an ordinary man.
And these days I envy of everyone that seems having everything in their life easily. Such as people who get blessings easily, without striving hard to get them. Or people that don't have to do hard things to maintain their faith. Seems that they can easily get them and GOD bless them so much, but not me!
I felt that GOD wants me to shed tears everytime I need something, it seems that in my life I'm not so lucky as those people.

I knew, that jealousy is bad. But my old mind think that way.
But, today GOD said something to me:

It's not everyone is having that is important, but what I gave you that is important!!

So, then my mind changed and I can said to GOD :

LORD, what do you want me to do?

So, now I'm not focusing on what everyone have in their life. I knew that to obey GOD is the focus of my life. No matter happen in the future. I will say :

I will GOD

Change

Wish...

GOD, I admitted that sometimes I just wish something happen in my life without any real actions to make it come true. I just wish that GOD will do something wonderful and I can relax on my comfort bench.

My favorite author, C.S. Lewis, once said, "If GOD had granted all the silly prayers I've made in my life, where should I be now?"
Those words punch my mind so hard that I knew that many times I wish stupid wishes without realizing that may hurt someone. And these days, my prayers become really dry, full of wish lists, without wanting LORD himself.

Forgive me Daddy, and I want to love YOU more through prayers.

Matthew 6:5-15

Falling Free into...

Sometimes the idea of jumping off to the air without any parachute or whatsoever come to my mind..., but of course I'm not planning any suicide acts! No, I'll jump if there is an assurance that something down will catch me safely, whatever it is.

These days I felt the same, jumping off to the unclear future because I had start a new kind of relationship with someone that is so far away from me. We don't know what the future will be like...

But I knew that GOD want us to learn something new and wonderful through it.

HE reminds me that falling free to HIS hands are the best thing that assure me to going through life. Because HE had strecthed out HIS arms to catch me whenever...

Deuteronomy 33:27

White Stone

Looking at the blue sky often made me think of something that thousands men on earth asking till today :
"When will Christ come back for the second times? "
But what makes me glad and rejoice is the fact that when HE came back, HE will grant us a white stone.
The white stone means that HE had granted me salvation because I had believe in HIM.
It also means that I will be awarded because I had done good things. These good things I do because I love HIM, not because those good things can save me.

This stone remind me that I'm completely forgiven..., no matter who I was in the past


Revelation 2:12-17

Say No

Sometimes, when I got the answer "NO" from GOD well, honestly I got mad!
I had prayed and struggle for the answer "YES" and even fasted for it, then when the answer is "NO", I got absolutely dissapointed!
I think, "How can GOD do that after all that I've done (fast, pray, do good will, etc)?"

But GOD doesn't act based on good will, fast or prayers that I devoted to HIM. Absolutely NOT!
He acts based on HIS own will, and I knew that HIS will is the best for me.
Though sometimes I acted childish and begging unreasonable things from HIM, but I thank HIM for HE didn't grant all my stupid wishes, instead HE granted me things that are wise and good.

2 Sam 12:13-23 = David beg to GOD for his son to be alive, but GOD said "NO". And David can still praise GOD after that "NO" answer.

In HIS will is our peace- Dante

Lights My Path

Is there a shift in my life?
Or it just stuck the way it is without moving anywhere?
The long waiting days made me desperate
Dissapointing things walk in through my life freely
Seems that everything are moving towards nothing
GOD, I wish I can fly away and fulfill my dreams
If only I can get a pair of wings...

But what makes me thrilled is the fact that HIS way are so amazing that I can't understand it with my little mind.
Calm me with your reassurance when I'm praying for a heartfelt prayer
Make me understand YOUR ways GOD, if I had lost my trust...

Psalm 112 : 4 Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness