I'm wondering what my life would be next?

After a long and tiring flight from Jakarta (it took about 5 hours), I finally arrive in Kupang. And I had to 'fight' with some passangers to get my bags from the pick up part in airport. Gee, can u imagine that I had to pick those two bags that weighed around 35 kilograms by myself. Thank GOD everything is undercontrol. Then outside the airport, I met the Project leader and his staff that already waited for me.

I thought we're gonna stay in Kupang for a nigt (at least I thought they will let me stay in here), but I'm wrong. We had to arrive in Kefa tonight. So after a not so delicious meal at a local restaurant, we drove as quickly as possible to Kefa.
Man, it was a very fast and quite not comfortable trip for me. I had to hold on to cold wind that blows through the opened windows (they did this because they were smoking inside the car). I hate smokers, but I can do nothing to stop them.

We arrived at a village and stop for a while, then we continue our journey to Kefa. I hardly can sleep because the wind blows very hard, but at least I fell asleep. Then they wake me up when we had reached Kefa. They brought me to the hotel and left me there. I washed my face and went to sleep quickly.

The sound of someone that knocked door wake me up the next morning. Gee it's almost 9 A.M. but I can hardly open my eyes. Then I wake up and saw that the CARE Staff that had came to picked me up. I told them to wait and rushed to take a bath.
Then hungrily, I went to the office and was introduced to many people in the office. Then all things went very boring, I can hardlly do anything there. Just sat all day and talked to few people. I went back to hotel and moved to another room (without AC and refrigerator, sigh).
Anyway, I read on my room till two of the staff picked me up and took me out for dinner at a local restaurant.
Then I was back at my room and fell asleep.

I still don't know what will happen to me next. I just found a nice housing where I rent a room, the lady and her husband are so friendly to me. They treat me so well. Then the next day I went to Bitefa where one of the TFC (Therapeutic Feeding Centre) is located. I went there with dr. Yohan and a nurse. Then they left me there for hours (till I get bored and fell asleep few times). I had talked to the nurses and nutrition aid and also to the mothers whose children are doing therapy there. And I had saw pigs scattered everywhere like cats in Jakarta. Maybe I'll post the pics later, because the pigs pics are so funny. One pig looks like a 'rocker pig' with blonde spiky hair. LOL.

Anyhow, so far, everything goes smoothly for me...hehehehehe

Tests Menace

These days I'm acting like a killer teacher in giving marks to the students. But I kinda stressed too about these matters because almost all of the students that I teach, got poor marks, just some of them that got good marks. Adding to this menace, I had to prepare so many things and do so many things before my departure to Kefa, NTT. So many things have to be prepared, yet, it looks like that my teacher friends aren't so happy if I leave them soon, especially the principal.

They talked about it secretly behind my back. I knew it from a friend that I trust. And this thing made me felt uneasy since few days ago they seem okay when they heard that I'm gonna leave them and work in another place.

Worse, the parents and teachers meeting that supposed to be on this Saturday was canceled and moved to next Saturday. I will resign on next Friday (21 October) but the meeting will be hold on Saturday (22 October). And on 22 October, I have to attend my friend's wedding party! I felt uneasy, even after one of my teacher friends said that I had to attend that meeting and be responsible to answer all those parents questions about their children achievement (regarding those poor marks!!).
I want to answer : "Hey, I'm not a teacher anymore in here on 22 October."
But I can't. I don't want to leave bad memories to the people that I will leave here. It's enough that I will leave them the 'failure' of a teacher-that-can't- make-the-students-get-good marks.
And the teacher that don't get along with them (the teachers).

It seems like these obstacles pop out from the people that I didn't expect before. They seem so Godly and holy (I felt like this because I NEVER attend teachers devotion every morning since the first day I became a teacher here). I won't like if someday, after I left, they will talk about my bad habits or problems that I left. I just want an easy resign, not more than that now.

I don't know to whom I should talk about this matter. It seems like I can trust no one here at this school, except one, my best friend here who is an English teacher just like me. But she don't know what to do too, and she didn't have any idea of how I should resign.

Right now, I don't know what to do. Can u give me a suggestion?

Just Close the Door!!!

I thought another door had been closed today as the end of my day at work approaching. Today was full of things that made me feel hectic.

Arriving at the school, I faced so many piles of papers that I have to correct. Though it's not my job because I only handle 3 subjects : English Awareness, English Language and Conversation.
And yesterday I had finished all the English Awareness papers test and today I planned to help my English teachers friends with their pile of works. Because it had been decided by all of us to help each other after one had finished his/her job.

And u know what? It's really absolutely dissapointing when I found that the people that had to do their own job (correcting the papers test) didn't show up somehow. Though they put their job on the desk without noone correcting them! I had do my best to help them, but it seems that they didn't even realize their own responsibility. Gee! With all of these, I'm not sure that they will help me to correct all the 8000 questions (from 8 English Language classes) that I teach on next Tuesday.

Can u imagine that?? 8000 questions in only 3 days before all those papers will be given back to the students!! And the next day after we'll give them to the students, there will be parents meeting in school and we have to face all the comments and critics from all the parents!

These things made me quite gloomy somehow. And I felt that I heard a closing door before me as the day ended. Cause I have been waiting for the news from the NGO that interviewed me last week, they said that at the latest, they will inform me on Friday if I am accepted.
And as I'm waiting for a bus to go home from my office, I begin to think, well I'm gonna start a new business somehow and I don't really care if a door to work in the NGO closed again. I'm not going to regret too long on this case and I have to move on...

But when I sat on the bus, my cellphone rang and I picked it up. It was from the HRD Manager of that NGO (CARE International). She informed me that I was accepted and I have to go next week to Kefa, NTT (Nusa Tenggara Timor) near East Timor to work there as a nutritionist.
I'm glad, but somehow I felt a bit hard to leave Jakarta, my family, my friends and things that I have here (the business that I'm going to start). But I ever prayed to GOD last week, that if HE wants me to go, then HE'll open the door for me. And if HE wants me to stay, then HE'll closed the door.

Though it sounds and feel hard for me to go there and stay for a year there, I felt everything will be allright.
Sounds funny but a little bit strange, because the last time I got assurance from GOD to go to Aceh, I heard a song from the Launchcast Radio Yahoo that said :

"Step by step YOU lead me and I'm going to follow YOUR way"

But today I listened to my MP3 player in my cellphone a song that said :

"Lead me I'll follow, whereever YOU lead me now"

I felt relax and calmed though this song is a RnB song. I don't know, maybe with my short mind I thought that GOD had closed another door in my life, while HE actually had opened it.
I remember few days ago I ever said angrily to GOD :

"Just close the door, GOD! Close all the doors and make me abandoned like Joseph! After all, I began to lose my hope upon everything....!!"

And I'm wrong this time, HE didn't close all the door,
coz HE know better than I.....