Merry Christmas everybody

I just want to say :

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S

and

HAPPY NEW YEAR

to all my friends, readers, etc....

May GOD bless us all!

hurts

These days I felt like I'm losing myself...
I lost myself because I had knew the answer from that person...
I'm glad because I finally can be brave to be honest to my own feeling, but I can't help myself from wanting that this is not true, and things didn't happen the way they were.
It's hurt though, and sometimes I felt blank, no feeling and no hurt, but sometimes simple accidents that hurt me (like bumping into something hard or cut myself) remind me of the hurts, and the lost dreams.

Can I get up and continue my life? Can I dream another dream? Can I felt my heart again?
I look at the distant sky, I knew my life should go on, I had to dream another dream... but I can't maybe I can, but this heart is fragile.
And I ask myself, is it easier to hate than to love?
Will time heal me just like in the past time? Because my feelings are deeper and my hurts are real, the first and deepest affection that I felt towards someone. Not just like, but truly love him whatever he does and whoever he is.
Maybe I look stronger and I can say : "I could fix my heart on my own" but the truth is I can't.
I'm weak, I am hurt and I'm blank....

A month ahead

Maybe I don't want to end this journey...
Maybe the future makes me worry a lot...
Maybe the uncertainty blur my mind...
And maybe my feelings for you shed tears on my cheek...

A month is what I have now...
I know the end of this journey is near
I can't do anything to change it
Nor can I plan my own path ahead

Maybe our journey will end here too
As you left me here and start a new journey somewhere
I soon leave this place and start a new one
And soon we will be busy walking by our own

That's what frighten me most...
To start a journey without you by my side
To fully walk alone to a new place
To find myself realize that you won't be there for me...

I know maybe you'll never think about me
Maybe I'm just a part of your past
A past that soon you will forget,
A past that I'm afraid you will try to forget...

Thinking about it make me feel lost
What if we won't meet again?
What if my feeling for you is true?
What if you won't realize it?

Tender Heart

I love to listen to "Tender Heart" by Lionel Richie these days. Maybe it kinda described what feelings did I had nowadays...

Sometimes, I just wanna scream to that person ..........

Love so far away...

I like this poem...


How can someone love me,
from so far away.
Making me feel needed,
in such a loving and special way.
~~
Knowin' you're here with me,
as I think of you.
You're such a part of me,
in everything I do.
~~
You rolled into my life,
just like the oceans tide.
You hold me in my dreams,
pushing all fears aside.

We sleep under the same sky,
the stars are our blanket at night.
Wanting to be with you,
to love and hold ya' tight.
~~
I will always look to the sky above,
each night and day.
For the one that loves me,
from so far away.

And I miss u so....

Is this considered porn pic?

Freed your mind, and freed your spirit
Are the ways to better understanding...

Words above don't come from a famous figure like Einstein or Shakespeare, they are just words that came into my mind lately.
Maybe after read some arguments in the mailing list that I joined about how we should act towards the term pornography and how this nation began to divided into two sides, the pros and the cons, I came to a sense of understanding that sometimes small things that to someone looks unimportant, can be a threat to others.

Maybe for me, posing like I did in the pic above seems okay and don't trigger something in others minds. But to others, maybe that pose looks odd and 'maybe' can made people think about something. Well, as a matter of fact, that what happened lately in this nation.
Some people that think every kinds of porno-related-stuff, including women that wear sexy (this term of sexy can be differ to many people) and full-pressed-body clothes, had to be forbidden to show off in the public places and else because they might become a cause of criminal actions like rape and other sexual related criminalities.

And some people think it's ok to wear sexy clothes because it's the right of the women to show off her beauty (include her body that considered as a subject of art expression). So they against the new law draft that considered wearing sexy clothes in public places is a form of criminality that can trigger a rape.
Well, for me, I still watch how the shows go on, though I didn't support pornography and related stuff. But, I also don't agree if I have to be arrested if I wear sexy clothes (that what I think sexy, but maybe to others it wasn't sexy at all).
So the conclusion is : STILL HAVE NO COMMENT.... ;P
But I will freed my mind and spirit to learn things that right and just to understand better about how things work.

BTW, do I look sexy and can raise lust when I pose like in the pic above?
If so, please tell me, because maybe I can consider other pose (that didn't guarantee also if I made another erotic pose - LOL) ^_^

Take it slow...

Take it slow, take it slow, this time we take it slow....

That was John Legend sang in his song, "Ordinary People"
I just keep thinking how my life seems flying so fast these days. What happened yesterday and last week seem like happened last year.
So does my relation with someone. He seems so close one time, and the other time he seems so far away. I don't know what make us like this, but sometimes, I just wanna say to him that I miss the old times when we're close and share our problems, thoughts and feelings.
Like wanting to sit with him in a place like the picture above, talking all day and sharing things that kept inside my heart and his. Be free to tell others whatever things without fearing that someone might get hurt or changed. Just talking and let things flow like river between us...

Indeed, it's been a long long time since I had a time to sit and share with somebody....
I miss those times...

Bad Words

I don't know why, these days seem like I swore a lot about someone. He had said many things that made me angry and when I looked at him and whatever related to him, I got really upset and said bad words in my heart. I know this is not good at all. But I can't stop it, really hate him.
Please pray for me that I should forgive him. Help me...