Almost end of the year, and how I realized that my writings had been so limited this year than the previous year. Maybe the hectic days made me so busy to pour out my thoughts and passions into writings...well, I can only regret it...
Oh how time flew so fast, and days spent in vain...tears, laughters, smiles, frowns, wrinkles, grins and sour faces. All had put their marks upon my face this year. And how I realized that I had changed so much (and yet so little) in some parts of my life.
Last month, during the boring days of my holidays in home, I finally watched some movies that I had got from my friends (mostly the downloaded movies), one of them is "The Pursuit of Happiness" staring Will Smith.
It was a simple film, and old film though, simple messages, some drama, etc. But one thing that keeps nagging my mind is the question : "Should I try hard to pursue my happiness also?"
These words came into my mind as I reflect on the meaning of happiness and our efforts to pursue it:
"Sometimes our efforts to pursue happiness make us end in despair when trying to fix things up and solitude when we realized no one stands beside us.... And our minds play tricks that we had rights to be happy and sometimes that cause us to sacrifice others...People that had nothing to do with us and people that we chosen to be sacrificed just to fulfill our deepest longings for happiness."
Some common thoughts and excuses in our world such as:
I had to fired my staff to 'save' my company and thus make me can treat my family for their vacation to Bahamas next year, I felt sorry but people can't satisfy everyone...
I had to be with him, because I love him and he's not happy with his wife anymore. I know this is wrong, but I only pursue our happiness. His wife can give him happiness by letting him go and let him together with me...
I had to be tough and show no mercy to people to state I'm capable of leading this workgroup and shows my excellence in leading people and gaining profits...
I am willing to had every situations and conditions, getting beaten, got harrassed, assaults, anything...from men....as long as they 'love' me and 'treat' me well.
I'm willing to letting go of who I am, the real me, just to get people's attention. To get love and admiration from others, and the people that I love. I'm ready to sacrifice my thoughts, my beliefs, my everything just to had people's acceptance. To be like them, not to be someone different...
Those are just common thoughts that many people use to justify their acts and ignorance, again, in pursuit of happiness...sometimes just to satisfy our deepest longings for love, admiration, acceptance and acknowledgement from others...
Again, I ask myself so many times before I take a step towards my happiness, "Will I let myself to become the 'evil' person that will sacrifice others in order to pursue my own happiness?"
and "Can I live forever remembering that I'm guilty for that?"
The answer that can only be answered by my deepest part of my heart...
