Being misunderstood as 'traveling staff' that always got lucky chance to travel here and there without knowing that I had to undergone some bad experiences working outside my usual JD. Not to mention prolonged stress that often occur due to limited number of off days when I attend those meetings or workshops and went to other projects to fix things up from zero to something that worth reported by mass media.
And I finally had bad experiences regarding my current education status which is only 'Bachelor Degree" while helping on a doomed project in Borneo, they underestimated me! Haha! So Indonesian stereotype...Judging people by their education background only, not by their experiences... But somehow, I manage my feeling and work my best to help them...although they didn't pay attention to me.
As things goes by, I just felt worn out by my duties...No more happiness to work since I always being misunderstood, ignored, left alone to face giant problems and unappreciated. Feels like I just survive to get a-two-year-acknowledgement from this org, to pursue for higher dream...study again to be more capable and never being underestimate again...
Probably it'll just months when I will enter a new life in another country, if God allows me to get the chance. But the reasons why I want to pause this tiring journey for a while are not those obstacles of being misunderstood, underestimate and objection...but because I need to stop by and think about my purpose in this world, the higher vision that I long in my heart...
The vision that somehow so real and vivid, but sometimes too big to think about...too frightening to step on...thinking that I'll be alone doing that somehow...without a helper beside me.
I pray to God to make it clearer each day, to make me strong to face these mere obstacles I face everyday, to prepare me to meet him - the suitable partner - or not to meet him at all if God allows me to be alone to travel this life journey. But sometimes the vision seems too overwhelming...too big to handle alone, too lonely to travel on...
Somehow, I just need a pat in my shoulder, a nod of understanding or a letter /note of encouragement these days...or as simple as I'm-thinking-about-u SMS in my inbox. Things that impossible to me to get now... :-/
