Finally, after so many doubts I had chosen in the past, I decided to take that offer...
Much more, this decision will lead me to the most uneasy and difficult places that most big NGOs had think it's impossible to work there. So far from my dream to work in Sumba, the place that is so much nearer to Bali.
And now, I'm afraid....
I'm afraid that I had taken the wrong decision based on desperation...
I'm afraid to go to that place and leave everything behind me...
I'm afraid I can't be myself there... and things only lead me to other dissapointments...
And I'm afraid to be the leader there, to be the one that responsible for all the things done by my staff...
I'm sad....
I'm sad because this mean I had to leave the urban life...
I'm sad because this mean another year (or probably years) spent in the wilderness, with noone will take care of my spiritual growth...
I'm sad because deep in my heart, I hope I can life ordinary girl's dreams...
To find a true love and build a family... so easy that my friends had doing it for years now....
God, I wish I can erase these negative thoughts and saya : "Be it unto me according to Your words. According to your promises, I can stand secure...."
If anyone read this, can u leave me a message, an encouragement perhaps? I really appreciate it if u did...
