How are you?

"Well, I'm good, or I can say...mostly good..."

I replied when I was asked by my friends. Smiling kindly and think that the world is just fine.

But did they really asked about it truthfully from their heart?

But if I was asked "How are you really?"

For some reasons, I think if I answered, I will cry in the room, and totally surprised myself because I thought I was just fine. Those tears were about a lot of things.

I'm here...thousands miles away from the people that I love and who loved me back...

I'm here, alone...with bunch of task and some IDR 500 millions to spend within a month and lots of unending tasks, meetings and conflicts to finish...

Here I am with no one to love and loved me back...

I began to feel weary and tired of my job, my life and my circumstances

Recently, another door opened, only it's not the way I want it to be. Previously, a window to another continent opened, and I believed that God will open the door too...But He's not...

Honestly, I feel guilty when I get to a place where I better understand God's plan or what He's calling me to do and it hasn't fully come into being yet.

I've done a lot of waiting over the last five years. And what God has gently revealed to me is this, if my heart is open and I'm saying "yes" to what He asks me to do each day then I am here where I supposed to be.

It may not make sense. It may seem small. It may sounds silly. But sometimes God just has made me stay. -- I got these thoughts after reading a Christian devotional blog--

I've done my part God, I had travel this far and now there're two ways that lay in front of me...And I asked God to choose it for me, not myself....as I had promised myself not to have no desire to fulfill my ego for life. I promised myself to be tough, no matter how rough the road I'm travelling now...and if He takes me to the path of solitude, I'm ready though no one travel with me...

And I say, "God, I am here and waiting. Turn the pages as you will. And with all I am, all I have, I will go with you."