Merry Christmas everybody!

I just wishing you all who read this :

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Hopefully the peace, joy, hope and blessings that JESUS brings always be with you forever....

and enjoy the new year eve too........

Fired!

This week is an uneasy week for me to work. Coz I had to fired 2 of my staff that proven to be guilty and done gross major faults while doing their tasks. And I had to done it before we left fo the field and I had to go with them for this last week.
Moreover, when it came to the last day one of them said that he'll visit his sick mother that had undergone tumor surgery in his hometown. It made me kinda felt guilty for firing him coz probably he's in a need of much money to cover the surgery expenses.
But I can't do anything since the decision was also taken by my boss and the head of base.
This is the first time I fired people, though they are guilty, but I still feel uneasy.... Sigh...

To hope for one glimpse of light...

It's been two years since I graduated from university, and seems that my life had changed a lot. I suddenly noticed this from the news that I got from my friends.Some already married, some are busy to prepare their weddings, some still dating their beloved.Anyway, not just this issue of singleness that came into my mind recently, but the state of being alonein 'the jungle'.It has been 3 weeks since I left Jakarta and open the new project here, since this is a Watsan projectso, there is only me a woman here. And it's kinda hectic to work with these guys. So many difficultsituations regarding me as the one and only female being here made me kinda stressed a bit.No body to talk to, no social life that seems will be a prospering one that somehow, I hope,will lead me to a new love life.It's been two years indeed, but seems my love life going nowhere while my friends seem prosperous #in this part of life. After the experience that I got from the last relationship ended with unansweredquestions and hanging hopes, I began wondering could I start again and found the right guy? Even inthis 'jungle' of solitude?Yes, my life is still long and I'm still young, but at least I hope that somehow a glimpseof light will fall on my dim love life....Giving me hope that there are somehow a love that worthstriving for...
Will time answer me? Or is it You, God that will ease my worries?

Whatever!

During these holidays that I took to spend my annual leave, I tried hard to enjoy myself more than I used to be. But spending time while thinking that there are so much troubles in the future when I'll be back at my work made me a little bit stressed. The uncertainty about the continuation of my contract, the present but hidden negative judgments about me in the workplace that were spread by hidden 'enemies', and most of all the uncertainty about how my future should be.... are the things that made me confused. Moreover there is no assurance from the people that once offered me chances.


So, today I decided to let them off. To enjoy my time while I am in here. To do things that I can't do before. And say to myself whenever those problems came to my mind :

WHATEVER!!!!

Crying...

These days I felt like crying all the time...The pressure, the betrayal, the gossip about me are taking their toll towards the end of the project. I don't know what else to do. I don't know who else I have to share these burdens.Its a hard thing to keep smiling though those two-faced clowns say bad things about me to my boss. The worse thing is my boss didn't truly believe I am working well. I just don't know whether I can manage until April. I doubt they will want to work with me next phase despite the bad news and rumors those clowns had spread.God please give me strength to do what is right...